But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
A Streetcar Named Marge
Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
- Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
- I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
- I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
- Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
A Streetcar Named Marge
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
- Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
- Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
- I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
Me fail English? That’s unpossible. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. You don’t win friends with salad. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.